our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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