she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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