i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Randomize
