I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
