soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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