my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
The beers last night were like the tears from god
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
