you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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