Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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