I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
