i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
