i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
