Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
