Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
