i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
