farters have to be the big spoon...
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
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