I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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