Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
