Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
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