There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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