i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Randomize
