Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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