just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
