he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
