I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
