Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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