My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
