so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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