Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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