the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
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