Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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