I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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