and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I haven't been this sober since birth.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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