11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
