Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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