Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
