Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
