im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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