If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
