So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
