we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
