you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
