i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Randomize
