Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
