Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
That accounts for only three of the penises
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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