Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
