He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
