Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
