i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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