Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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