I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
