Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
